Those TV Ships That Flip Over and the Ensuing Fun

[JK]

Another marine engineering critique of a movie!
I can't help but notice a slight bit of literary licence !!
Today it is Poisedan, not to be confused with the Poisedan Adventure. Kurt Russell is the steely eyed hero in this one.
Nice shots of the Poisedan on a glass-like ocean at the beginning, then dum-dum-DUM-DUM-Dum, the huge wave approaches. Even with azimuthing drives (when the ship flips there is a close up of the blades still spinning,) the valiant mates cannot turn the ship into the wave and over she goes as she is broadsided. Shots of the mates (you can tell because they are in #1s with stripes on the arms) being thrown into consoles, electrical sparks and so on until a final shot of them floating in the water-filled bridge. ( mind you I have met mates that this would be a solution for).
Meanwhile in the ballroom, the adults are drinking champagne and one deck up the youngsters are in the disco. When the chaos subsides, the ballroom is intact to the point that the ballroom piano is still on its mounts, suspended from the now deckhead. Amazing. Meanwhile in the disco, disaster has struck with light standards down everywhere and bodies strewn about. Maybe the re-occurring falsettos notes from the BeeGees have weakened the structures??
Outside shot, fishes and bodies, lights are still on even though ship is well over the 30* list. Can I get that diesel manufacturs name!!
Then lights go out all over and on come the battery operated lights. Sealed gel batteries I assume. Flames and explosions from the ships side..who knows what is exploding.
So back into the disco, things strewn all over, bodies all over, someone stumbles into a potlight which is now underfoot. Much to my surprise and shock, the individual goes into convulsions from the electricity pulsing into his body.Amazing, I could have swore the power had gone off the ship!
I should add, that the emergency lights on this passenger liner are extraordinary, just like the ships power was on. The only time I got stranded in a blackout without my flashlight, I didn't dare move in the longest 20 seconds you can imagine until the emergency kicked in. I knew exactly where I was, but knew if I moved I would get disoriented pretty quick. These guys were climbing like monkeys on the appliances!
Back in the ballroom, the survivors are gathering, with the Captain heroically in charge...seal the doors says he. And the hydraulic doors shut. I guess remote shut-offs in the ballroom are de rigueur.
So the hero, Kurt, defies the Captain and heads for the Disco to rescue his daughter, he gathers a group of brave intrepid souls, because....because...get this, they can get out where the thrusters go through the hull.
They go through the galley where there is more death and mahem. The Chief Cook is on fast grill in 3 foot flames. He must have really irritated the crew with his culinary proweress!!
They pry the doors open in the elevator shaft. This is a huge shaft, easily 12 feet wide. They cross the shaft on a table, pry open the door on the deck above and make good their escape before the elevator car crashes down.
That is were I get fuzzy,
I am getting tired, after all, 0500 mornings make you brain dead about 2100 and this is long after that.
I can't figure how the elevator car stayed up in the first place, after all that means it is at the bottom of the shaft when the ship is right side up, when it is turned over, shouldn't it have immediately fallen ??? Not on TVLAnd. Oh, I missed the disco scene, somewhere in the tale, they get into the disco and rescue a couple of ladies and the daughter, there is a brief boy meets girl moment.
So anyway, they are now in the atrium. The glass ceiling may or may not be broken, all you can see is the water boiling below. They cross across the atrium on the exterior elevator rail that has broken away and spanned the gap. Very ingenious, but I wonder where the hell they are going! If the water is waaayyyy down there, why don't they just go to a cabin with a balcony over the ocean and go through the exterior door??? Why this pressing need to crawl through the ship to the thrusters??And only in the hour they have left??
The room is growing dim, my eyes are getting heavy.
Just before I nod off, I see the last guy to cross the elevator rail, an obnoxious drunk, who dropped his flask on the way, get absolutely smashed into by what looks like one of the engineroom diesels. Apparently it has broken loose of it's mounts, all of the supporting piping and exhaust manifolds and gone crashing down to what used to be up and has gone through the engineroom deckhead. Wow, I think in my half asleep state, I think that was an engine. Any doubt I may have had, was erased by the 50 foot flame that jetted upwards when it hit the surface of the water at the top,er bottom of the Atrium.
And that is how far I made it, or that is as much as I remember. The sight of the diesel crashing down was not enough to keep me awake.
I will await with bated breath for the conclusion of this fairytale, maybe they will manage to get the active stabilization system running and turn the ship upright, saving the day and the shipping company vast sums of money!!

[JK]

Flash update for those of you on the edge of your seats, wondering if they really got out.
After dissecting the movie at work, (what can I say, a slow morning), I was informed that they did manage to make their escape. They opened the hatch to the bow thruster tunnel and crawled through. There was no report on the BT grid being in the way.

I will say that the model used at the start was a work of art. The movie not so much.

[The Dieselduck]

Ahahaha that's too funny. Yes I saw this movie in the theater actually, what a waste. Pretty sad actually. They were so in the unbelievable right from the get go. I was pretty pumped to see how they would redo the original, since it was considerably more believable. In the end of the old one, they made it to the engine room and the hull was cut to rescue them, in this one, they open a hatch on a still running bow thruster tunnel, come on ! Kirk Russel lost allot of respect in my book for that excuse of a movie.

The original, made in 1972 - as old as I am, is actually quite watchable - even won an oscar. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069113/

[JK]

LOL, To pay for this movie would be even more painful then paying to see Titanic!

[Wyatt]

While talking about great mariner movies, I recall one called "Virus" with Donald Sutherland making an amazing performance as a wrily old skipper of an ocean tug trying to make a living towing scrap crap. I remember thinking to myself before the movie started that Donald would carry the show, he would not put himself into a movie that made no sense. Alas, was I let down. My respect for old Donald went out the window within the first few openning minutes of the movie. Here they are towing a very large piece of scrap in what had to be a force 7 storm, with only 50 feet of tow chain out. No wonder he wasn't feeling good about this tow. His first mate, a very gorgeous beauty who must have come straight off a fashion runway, was completly oblivous to any danger they might have been in. I think she enjoyed watching her relection in the radar. The next thing you know, the tow winch is being pulled out of the deck and the engineer is getting really pissed off with all the water coming into his engineroom and dirtying up his nice paint job.
But seriously, the best part of this movie, the part where I had to walk out, was where they went on board this Russian science vessel where there were no people left, the vessel was blacked out, but with incredibly bright emergency lights everywhere. The tug engineer was ordered by the skipper to go below and see if he could get a generator going. As he was exploring in the engineroom, with lights a blaze, he found what he was looking for. Which is exactly what we all look for when we enter a new ship, the magic turn on everything button. Once he finds this, he gets on his radio and says, "I found it" and pushes a button where magically everything starts to work again. Those Russians are so ahead of us, amazing.

[JK]

the magic turn on everything button

ROTFL, Why is it that any of the ships I was on, didn't have that button and a blackout resulted in 6 people hoofing it in different directions to reset machinery with the bridge howling on the phone. They seem to take it personally, even when you have called them and told them to hang on, she's going for the big'un.



LOl. I saw one that the QE2 had been taken over by terrorists and the heroes were trying to control the propeller. It was a big lever in the engineroom that they pulled.
OR the oldie but goodie, the shot was on a rolling ship's bridge. Only problem was they were rolling the camera to make it llok like the ship was rolling, so everyone was leaning into the roll instead of against it!

[Wyatt]

Oh yea, I remember that one too. Hilarious!!!! Remember when the guy tried to feed that mooring rope into the prop to hopefully stop the shaft. I laughed and laughed at that one. Oh here is another one, on The Perfect Storm, the guy carrying that piece of plywood, 4 X 8 sheet, up to the wheelhouse wing to cover the window that was caved in from the waves, in a howling full on gale. I thought maybe he wanted to be like the flying Nun, and was disappointed not to see him fly off into the distance.

[The Dieselduck]

Well being a fan of Sci Fi and ships, it was only natural for me to be enthused by 1999's Virus. A Russian research ship, come on, how cool could that be! Yes it was a bit disappointing, especially considering the big name actors in it. I dint think it was the best movie for sure, especially technically speaking, but come on, Jamie Lee Curtis gets all wet in it... how can you not enjoy some of it ! ehehehe.

Speaking of magic "on" button. I was just watching the first three episodes of the third Season of Whale Wars. I must admit I am kind of addicted, I don't know why. It is interesting to see the problems they deal with. The over-drama is a bit much though, and being a west coaster, I can related to their ambitions, but the show's producers are taking quite a few creative liberties with the sounds effects and story telling. In one episode they have a "new" ship the Bob Barker (yes - the same one) with what looks like a Deutz as the main engine, and they are trying to start up. In a series of edits, with the context being that they are no able to get out of port because of issues with propulsion, you see the crew working on the main engine, then you see a close up of breaker being connected, alarm panel lighting up and the engine room lights coming on, "yes, the main engine roars to life". And then of course it promptly sputters out and you see everyone running around with flashlights. Makes for good dramatic tv, but if you don't have lights on, there's a good chance, the main engine is no where near able to start up.

I did like that closing the one circuit breaker, that made you ready for sea - cool ship. Interesting montage. Anyways, apart from that its a pretty entertaining show. But I must say the Poseidon Adventure remake is in close competition with Speed 2 : Cruise Control for the worst movies ever made, especially takes the cake for terrible, make that atrociously bad, marine technical accuracies.

[JK]

I wonder how many times Jamie Lee Curtis had to scream during the movie! I think I watched this for a very brief time. It put me in mind of Death Ship, so I tuned out.
On a slightly different note, I was talking to my neighbor yesterday. He has been going back and forth on the road on a motorcycle the last week. It turned out he bought it because it was on his bucket list. I laughed at the time, but it got me to thinking how many retirees are filling their bucket list by either acquiring their fantasies or dumping old things they have no use for any longer.

[JK]

and...
no marine movie commentary is complete without throwing in for Honorable Mention, "The Guard".

All honest, hardworking marine personal from the Canadian Coast Guard must absolutely cringe at being remotely connected to it.

[JollyJack]

It's not only movies which take liberties with facts, some authors do it too! I found "Gray Seas Under" by Farley Mowatt (known in the North as "Hardly Knowit" after that farce about wolves) absolutely hilarious. In the opening pages he places Dundee, Scotland, on Clydeside (it's on the east coast, the Clyde is on the west, other side of the world) and it goes downhill from there. I giggled at the Superman Mate who draped a towing bridle over his shoulder on the after deck of a harbour tug and leapt onto the forecastle of a frieghter hard aground on Sable Island in a January gale. It's worth a read, if only for the chuckle factor.

As I was once told, "Farley never lets the facts get in the way of a good story".

[The Dieselduck]

Went to see Contraband last night. Even with the possibility that my wife would feed me to the fishes, for the thought of spending one night with Mr. MM, I think he's done some good work, in the past... but Contraband is not some of his good work.

50% of the movie Contraband occurs on a container ship - yup, a real life big cargo ship, painted with a MSQ on the side, I imagine they used an MSC boat for their aerials. Anyways ports and ships are prominently filmed in this action movie. Allot of the action occurs in the eerily quiet engine room of the "MV Borden", with a bad guy / good guy (?) chief engineer, a dirty coverall clad, chain smoking brute, who cowers at the very sight of the clean uniformed third officer, who's usually about two steps behind the Admiral... huh sorry, got confused with all the uniform get up, I meant the Captain. By the way, the Borden is home to "hundreds of crew" - according to the official movies website.

The display of shipboard life is as full of holes as the story. The only accurate thing was probably the silly representation of Custom Border Patrol, although the scene where "take down" a 60,000 ton ship with a couple of speed boats and some helicopters as the ship is leaving / and again, when entering the busy harbour is quite laughable. Of course Hollywood and the Government love to flatter each other, anything that gets the "law heroes" boys to show off there big nuts - justify there over inflated budgets / importance. In one scene, two sour looking CPB agents (see, there was some accuracy) interview the star, and ask him "do you think were stupid", which left me thinking, is that a rhetorical question?

In one scene they have sold us on the idea that draining oil from the lube oil storage tank in the engine room, "but... not too much", results in the "pitch propeller" to start smoking, almost as much as the burly chief engineer. The engine of course is at full speed, and they are unable to control it, heading towards the docks at about 15 knots hurling towards some Panama container yard. This reminds me of that equally bad scene in Speed 2. But of course, the captain orders the anchor drop, which only the star of the movie can seem to release, using an 10 pound sledge hammer - remember this is a 5-7000 teu container ship. The anchor drops, but as underwater filming shows us, has some trouble setting, but when it does, stops the ship in about 50 meters, making a perfect parking job. Some might say a "minor" allision ensues - sending rows of containers tumbling upon the dock, but these are just details. In the next scene, with workers cleaning up the cargo using push brooms in the background, the captain is given a dressing down by the Panamanian security guard, "What kind of engineer do you have on there ^&#%&^$@, first time Chief Engineer????" to which the captains sighs in defeat. About three hours later the container ship sails out of port... wow that is some film!

And on IMDB the "goof" they had registered - "Factual errors: Captain Camp would not have been at the helm while his ship was passing through the Panama Canal. Panama Canal pilots take over the ship during passage." Are you freakin kidding me, that's the only thing people noticed??? Why the hell was the ship - from New Orleans - transiting the Panama Canal, to fetch a couple hundred boxes, just to return to New Orleans. Are people so out of touch with shipping, their world, to even notice this? Friends, we are in deep shit as seafarers, this "film" gets overall positive buzz everywhere I look.

From the production notes off the official website...

Filming on Ships

Much of the interior shots of Captain Camp’s ship were filmed aboard an actual U.S. Maritime Administration vessel, the S.S. Bellatrix, anchored at Marrero, Louisiana. Although the ship, measuring at almost 900-feet long, might have looked spacious, the crew had its challenges maneuvering the camera gear in such tight quarters. Shares Kormákur: “I love that the boat is a huge metal monster that becomes a character.”

Interior shots of the ship were accomplished during a week aboard the S.S. Bellatrix. The ship’s engine room is five-stories tall, with catwalks throughout it, and allowed for incredible shots that could never have been captured on a conventional set.

Exterior shots were filmed in the New Orleans harbor. Finding a huge container ship that was not in use, then garnering permission to shoot the vessel as it sailed down the Mississippi, was a big challenge. Fortunately, seasoned marine coordinator TROY WATERS was enlisted to sort out the myriad details.

According to Waters, there are several factors to account for when choosing to shoot onboard an actual ship. He explains: “Weather is a huge consideration because of continuity. The other consideration is the underway shots. Those shots require the cooperation of various river pilots, as well as governmental authorities like the Coast Guard and Harbor Police. So everyone has to be onboard, so to speak.”

Waters explains that it took five months to find the perfect vessel. He began his search through a worldwide network of brokers, but in the end, found the ship himself. While the script called for two ships, they only needed to use one. The art department helped to turn this 325-foot vessel into two ships by building an addition to the craft and painting the outside with two different names. For the opening scenes in which Andy is captured, the blue-hulled vessel was the B.B.C. Romania. By painting a section of it black, with an added exterior section to make the ship look much larger, this craft became the Borden. For the latter part of the film, it was now under the command of J.K. Simmons as Captain Camp.

Sailing the huge ship down the Mississippi involved considerable negotiations by Waters and his team. The marine coordinator says it was the U.S. Coast Guard who offered them the most help. “We work with the Coast Guard quite a bit on these types of productions,” he explains, “because they have authority in every navigable waterway in the country. So if they don’t get a warm fuzzy feeling with something that we want to do, we have to tone it down. But the Coast Guard group in New Orleans was very cooperative, and we were able to accomplish everything we wanted to shoot.”

The art department had its work cut out when it began to populate the ship with hundreds of containers…one of which contained a quite valuable van. They not only had to remove the logos from the many containers, but also had to hire a company to place the crates on the ship at the Port of New Orleans. This was accomplished by the aid of enormous gantry cranes.

In addition to the “hero boats” seen in Contraband, there were many marine vessels used behind the scenes. Along with the boats that were dedicated to various film departments, camera boats, safety boats and shuttle boats were all used in the production.

Not enough? There was also a green-screen barge that was used to accommodate specific scenes that had to be filmed on green screen…but look as if they were shot on the river. Waters explains that this was “the biggest green screen” he had ever put on the water.”

Some scenes on the ship were lensed in Panama. These occurred while the vessel was actually transiting the Miraflores Locks as it went into Balboa to the container terminal. Marine coordinators worked with the Panama Canal Commission and the multiple film authorities to secure the required permission for the shoot.

[JK]

I caught a bit of "la Femme Nakita" the other night. This series was shot in the Toronto area in the late 90's.
They had used plates out of an Alfa Laval cooler on the walls of a passageway to give it a techie look. It looked pretty neat, though to do it in your own place would be a trifle expensive!