This trickled through our office til it hit my desk. I am sure it applies somewhere!
(I am also sure the incumbant died at his desk after dealing with a yard issue)
I refer to the recent death of the technical manager at your company and herby apply for the replacement of the deceased manager.
Each time I apply for a job, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case I have cought you red-handed and you have no excuse because I even attended the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead and buried before applying.
Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his death certificate.